25)
"Love Hurts" -- Nazareth: I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking, "But, Rob, this isn't from the 1980s. This version of the
Boudleaux Bryant ballad, once recorded by the Everly Brothers, was recorded by
the Scottish rock band Nazareth in 1975 and became a huge hit in early 1976!
How is this a power ballad?" To which I reply, "Astutely observed,
young master, but this song is the perfect antecedent to the entire genre and
we all know how much we must love our antecedents here at List of the Day! Wait
until you see #1!"
24)
"Headed For A Heartbreak" -- Winger: Boy, does this bring back
memories! This was when they made music that you could listen to with the sound
off and still have a great time! This video sounds particularly good while
blasting Husker Du, who never had the money to hire women so professionally
good-looking to be in their videos.
23)
"Alone Again" -- Dokken: Not to be confused with Arthur Lee's fine
track "Alone Again Or" or Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again
(Naturally)," "Alone Again" is the kind of ballad that spurs
YouTube
commentators to say things like "I own the High n Dry album, and
The Blizzard of Ozz" and "I know that I'm a good man, a good man
knows his musics, 80s is all good." I cannot compete against such
insights!
22) "High
Enough" -- Damn Yankees: Again, a YouTube-er nails it: "I was 7 years
old and my mom used to play this in her Camaro on the way home from school just
for me." WIthout a Camaro, this song really makes less sense. It is best
noted for being Ted Nugent's first top 10 hit.
21)
"(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" -- Nelson: Matthew and
Gunnar Nelson had great hair and they had a #1 hit with this song. Could life
ever be improved upon?
20)
"More Than Words" -- Extreme: Good hair here. Folkie guitar. Simon
and Garfunkel stools and harmonies. No real power, but lots of ballad. Other
guys in the band not playing seem bitter and sarcastically flick their bics. I
might've have done the same. Girls go nutso for Nuno.
19)
"Silent Lucidity" -- Queensryche: Another song with lots of ballad
and not much electrical power. For a song about dead people still existing on
another level of the game it's likely one of the better ones. VH-1 Classic
plays it constantly at 4:30 in the morning. Oh, look only 18 more to go!
18)
"Carrie" -- Europe: Not really sure why every one of these videos
makes mention of Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga in the comments section, but I
guess it's relevant somehow. Song is said to be about four and a half minutes
long, but it seems to be playing for several hours. Maybe Sartre should've
rethought his idea of hell. I know I am.
17)
"Heaven" -- Warrant: I must admit this music confuses me. If you take
out the guitar solo, it sounds like lite-FM. Which is fine by me, but if that's
the case, I'm more of a Bread man. I mean, "Baby, I'm a Want You!"
16)
"Close My Eyes Forever" -- Lita Ford & Ozzy Osbourne: Gee, wasn't
one of these people in the Runaways and wasn't one of them in Black Sabbath?
What are they doing here? Killing time? If you love this music, I have to ask:
why do you hate America?
15)
"Cryin'" -- Aerosmith: Alicia Silverstone was always my favorite
member of Aerosmith. When she knocks the guy out of the car and gets that
tattoo, I am moved. Why didn't albums in the 1980s come out as video albums?
Who wants to hear this without the video? The video makes the song cuter, after
all.
14)
"Fly To the Angels" -- Slaughter: The Leonard Cohen influences are
pretty overt, I suppose, while the Buffy Ste. Marie rips are more subtle. Video
pays tribute to Jefferson Airplane, which is nice. Music does make Pearl Jam
"necessary."
13)
"To Be With You" -- Mr. Big: Who doesn't love the campfire chorus
where everyone can sit around in a circle and sing this instead of
"Kumbaya"? Truth told, that was tune was getting a little long in the
tooth. This song would be fantastic for selling luggage!
12)
"Don't Close Your Eyes" -- Kix: As someone astutely pointed out, the
singer looks like the singer for Spinal Tap. Lots of slow songs seem to be
about people dying. Do you think we could keep people alive if we just sped up
the tempo? If so, the guys in Minor Threat will never die! That's it! I'm
getting into speedcore!
11)
"When The Children Cry" -- White Lion: Video makes for a great UNICEF
commercial. For only 99 cents day, you could save the life of a child or
purchase this song 365 times a year.
10)
"The Ballad of Jayne" -- L.A. Guns: Singer is wearing a Slash hat
while the folk music plays. I'm truly thankful these songs come with videos
since it makes the songs so much better. Or maybe that's because I'm listening
to the collected works of the Clientele while the video plays.
9)
"Every Rose Has Its Thorn" -- Poison: Anyone have any idea why
acoustic guitars are considered more authentic than electric ones? Is electricity
considered less real than candlelight? If so, how do you explain the sheer
existence of music videos and the television that once played them? I wait for
these troubadours to come to my town and sing their songs of Lady-O!
8)
"Home Sweet Home" -- Motley Crue: It's always nice to hear shopping
mall keyboards in music. Great stick twirling and stage leaps. Song was kinda
ruined by turning the sound on.
7)
"Here I Go Again" -- Whitesnake: Between David Coverdale's hair,
Tawny Kitaen's legs and those cars, Whitesnake really knew how to rock.
6)
"Civil War" -- Guns N' Roses: These folkies would've been just
perfect around the time of the early 1960s when Peter, Paul and Mary and Bob
Dylan, Joan Baez, Phil Ochs, Ramblin' Jack Elliot, the Kingston Trio and others
were just burning up the music scene. The group's likeness to the Weavers is
uncanny.
5) "18
and Life" -- Skid Row: "I got drunk on my 18th birthday and listened
(sic) this all day long" says You-Tube enthusiast Zirrian, illustrating to
the world what Sebastian Bach and his buddies likely had in mind when they
wrote this lovely paean to youth, murder and alcoholism.
4)
"The Price" -- Twisted Sister: Not all power ballads need to be love
songs. This one seems to be questioning the very success and fame the band
worked all those years to achieve. Makes you wonder if they weren't just
completely annoyed at the load of compromises on the road to their horizons…I
mean, Black Sabbath never had to write hits.
3) "All I Want To Do Is Make Love To
You" -- Heart: I suppose I'm supposed to take "Alone" since it's
an actual ballad, but this is my blog and I want the song where she picks up a
guy in the rain, takes him to a motel, makes love several times through the
night, leaves him in the morning, discovers she's pregnant, one day returns to
the motel with her baby and finds the guy now works behind the desk, having
fulfilled his dreams with the low wage entry position that likely doesn't
include health benefits.
2)
"Bringin' On the Heartbreak" -- Def Leppard: They re-released this
song at some point with cheesy synths added, but when it first started showing
up on FM radio it had the sound of a future playlist favorite, the kind of song
that would still be in rotation decades from now, just like so much Foreigner!
1)
"Dream On" -- Aerosmith: Originally released in 1973, Aerosmith
proved the old "First thought, best thought" axiom to be true. For no
matter how wonderful the other songs on this list are -- and they sure are
wonderful or some variation thereof, you must agree -- nothing is better for
you than "Dream On." If this song doesn't change your life, I think
you have a right to ask Steven Tyler for your money back! Or to habe him smack
you upside the head and knock some sense into you. C'mon people, let's all get
on the same page here and march! Still waiting for the obvious
follow-up: Dream OFF!
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